Your buttocks can tell the future

The Independent reports of a 43-year-old English single mom, a "clairvoyant", who supplements her day-job income by doing half-hour "readings" of people's buttocks for a cool £30.

What's her secret? The left cheek relates to the past, and the right to the future, she says. The lines underneath are connected to relationships, and those at the bottom of the spine indicate how many children a person is going to have. How does she know all this? "I couldn't tell you. It's just what I feel," she admits. "When I'm doing a reading I just look for the shape of the bottom, and how it hangs, basically."

I particularly like this quote: "Word got around, and people desperate to know what their future held started sending Amos Polaroids." Yeesh!

- From Skepticnews.com
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from - http://www.independent.co.uk/news/UK/This_Britain/2000-12/bottom221200.shtml

'A bottom is a lot like a crystal ball'

What can you tell about a person from their posterior? Julia Stuart meets a clairvoyant with an unusual perspective

22 December 2000

The pale sunlight catches the various shades of grey pebble-dash clinging to the row of council houses. In the distance, smoke seeps from two power station chimneys.The estate in Knottingley, West Yorkshire, is not an obvious crowd-puller.

Yet one of the houses has been attracting a number of curious visitors, and a decidedly peculiar mailbag - an assortment of Polaroids and photocopies of naked buttocks.

Inside, Sam Amos, 43, is a picture of normality. She doesn't look the kind of woman to make a living from staring at people's bottoms.

Amos, a telesales worker by day and clairvoyant by night, started reading posteriors four years ago as a dare. ''We were at a birthday party and had had a few to drink,'' she says. "Someone said: 'All right Sam, you can read anything, can you read bottoms?' I said: 'Yeah, I'll give it a go.' So she just took her trousers down and I read her bottom and it came true. I predicted that she would meet somebody, and she did.''

Word got around, and people desperate to know what their future held started sending Amos Polaroids. Then the photocopies arrived.

Amos also does readings in the raw, mainly in clients' homes - but they don't have to bare all. "One guy had this white jockstrap on and I couldn't do anything for laughing,'' she says. "Men usually have skimpy briefs on, which I can cope with, but I don't read bums without pants on."

Amos, who is single and lives with her two daughters aged eight and 18, claims superficial lines on the buttocks reveal as much about one's destiny as palms. The left cheek relates to the past, and the right to the future, she says. The lines underneath are connected to relationships, and those at the bottom of the spine indicate how many children a person is going to have. How does she know all this? "I couldn't tell you. It's just what I feel," she admits. "When I'm doing a reading I just look for the shape of the bottom, and how it hangs, basically."

The clairvoyant, who has cast her eye over a couple of hundred bottoms, has correctly predicted that one woman was going to win a competition, that another was going to pass her driving test, and that someone's car was going to break down. "Clients
want to find out about people who have passed over more than anything," she says. "[Dead] people do come through because the bottom is kind of like a channel. It's a focal point, like a crystal ball."

How does she feel about working with backsides?

"It's OK, you've just got to get your head round it. The first couple of minutes for me are awkward, but when I get focused on it, it's fine," says Amos, who charges £30 for the half-hour readings.

It's time for the moment of truth - or not. I ask her to close the curtains, and gingerly take off my trousers. I stand bashfully in front of her in just a cardigan, ankle socks and a pair of Marks & Sparks old favourites. She peers at my right buttock. "You're with someone at the moment, aren't you?" Sadly not. "Have you been talking about doing some more studying?" No. "Well I do see some studying around you, and that will come probably late December next year," she insists.

"You don't sleep very well." (I do.) "Try lavender oil and camomile. Have you got a brother?" Yes. "I feel like he's got a young attitude and he's not settled at the moment. I see that here, the line at the bottom of your right cheek, you've got two very close lines and it just feels that one of them is connected to your brother, I don't know why. Is he about 28-29?" He's 35. She adds - correctly - that he is married with two children.

"Are you living in a flat at the moment?" Yes. "It's quite nice, really. You're very good with your colours. You like bright colours, don't you?" she asks. If not inspired by the bright turquoise cardigan I'm wearing, where on my behind can she tell that? "It's a very superficial line on the middle of your cheek."

She continues staring. "You don't get the chance to really go out that much. You tend to be concentrated on work matters. That's just round here at the top of your bottom, it looks like a small comet."

My behind may look like a solar system, I tell her, but I do, in fact, go out quite regularly.

"Are you a Gemini?" Yes.

"Has somebody told you you've got to go to Scotland on some kind of assignment?" No, mercifully. "I feel that's coming in the next two to three weeks. There's a square there, and that's to do with Scotland," she says, pointing with a pink chipped nail to something. "You'll enjoy yourself, but you're wanting to go somewhere like Greece."

"You're mum and dad are both working, aren't they?" Both retired.

"You don't drive." I do. "But you really worry about driving, for some reason. I feel it's your mum's mum that I've got around me who's your guide, and I feel she passed over quite some years ago. We must be talking five or six years ago." She died last year.

"Was she in her late 70s?" One month away from her 91st birthday. "I feel her husband passed over with a heart attack." Cancer.

"Have you got a friend called Jane or Janine?" No. "Can you watch for a lady with that name coming into your life. I feel she's going to be a big influence. This is just round here on the bottom of the cheek."

The scrutiny continues. "You've got loads of opportunities around you, and I don't feel that you will get a guy around you permanent for the next two years. It's because of your career, and relationships hold you back. You need to be going forward. It won't be until 2003."

"What? What?" I cry. "Where does it say I won't meet him for two years? I'm sure you're mistaken," I crane around to catch sight of the offending line. "It's somewhere down here," says Amos, pointing to a broken vein.

"That?" I ask. "Look again, I'm sure it doesn't say that." Amos looks again, but reaches the same conclusion. I pull up my trousers, hoping the truth isn't always out there