from - http://www.theonion.com/onion3641/clinton_president_for_life.html

Proclaiming Nov. 14 a new national holiday as "Day One of Americlintonian Year Zero," Clinton issued a directive of total martial law over "all territories formerly known as these United States, from now on to be called the Holy United Imperial Americlintonian Demopublic
(HUIAD)." He added that all election results are "hereby invalidated under Demopublican provisional law."

"The American people have spoken,"
Clinton said. "By failing to generate a 51
percent majority for either candidate, they
have shown their inability to muster the
drive to collective action. The time has
come for a new America, a strong
Americlintonian Empire, capable of
providing the indecisive electorate with direction through one man's sheer force of
will."

Dressed in full military regalia and flanked by members of his elite
Demopublican Guard, Clinton told reporters, "Let all peoples of the land know this:
The era of bipartisan inaction and paralysis has ended. The Age of the Great
Cleansing Fire begins today."

A significant portion of the U.S. Armed Forces has sworn loyalty to the
Imperial Demopublic Council of Generals, the new military wing of the Clinton
regime. But despite such support, many political observers question the
constitutionality of Clinton's actions, which include the burning of the Constitution,
the dissolution of Congress, and the establishment of "re-education camps" in
suburban D.C.

At a sparsely attended press conference, U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno
raised the prospect of a Justice Department investigation of "possible illegal activities" on the part
of Clinton. Most observers, however, believe that such a probe is unlikely: Less than an hour after
Reno spoke, her battered and broken body was publicly fed to Clinton's dogs.

"Let them bring their pitiful reprisals to the impotent courts. Their lawyers and lawsuits shall
face the wrath of a people united by the almighty fist," said Clinton, whose divinity as HUIAD's first
Emperor-God was ratified late Tuesday night by the Americlintonic High Priest Council. "Let them
recount their puny, paper ballots. They shall wither, as will the bankers, lawyers, and lobbyists all,
before the Holy Cause of Americlintonia's glorious, righteous might."

Defiant in the face of objections from the Bush and Gore camps, Clinton has consolidated his
power over the last several days, ordering armed takeovers of major federal buildings and the
systematic collection and display of his enemies' heads on iron pikes.

In a test of the new regime's power outside the nation's capital, Senator-Elect Hillary Clinton,
rechristened "Bride of The Lord Clinton On Earth," summarily ordered HUIAD troops to fire on
Manhattan crowds, leaving more than 2,500 dead on Wall Street and quickly dispersing protesters
loyal to defeated Republican challenger Rick Lazio.

Resistance movements are already forming. The new Legion Of Californians has sworn to defeat
HUIAD in the west, and anti-Clinton groups have been reported across the U.S., including Naderist
factions in Washington State and Maine.

Clinton has publicly dismissed such insurrections as "pathetic," confident that nothing will stem
his authority over "the former U.S."

"The rebels are but mewling kittens who shall taste blood instead of milk," said Clinton,
threatening to deploy HUAID-controlled nuclear weapons against members of resistance
movements. "The holy power of the atom shall, if it must, cleanse this nation of all infidels."